


The Last Train For The Coast

by russianpotatofarm



Category: No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Inukashi is Fucking Awesome, M/M, Nonbinary Character, a lot of panic about imagined bestiality, angst over fruit, lack of showers, nezumi knows the actual cannibal shia labeouf song by heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/russianpotatofarm/pseuds/russianpotatofarm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world was supposed to have been ended a few months ago, but the lucky few who survived are still struggling along, and this happens to include three teenagers, a dog, a large amount of middle-aged survivalists, and all the bullshit you can handle. Or something like that.<br/>Alternate title: How Shion Discovered His Sexuality and Nezumi Learned How to Not Be Such a Raging Dickhammer (feat Inukashi and everything you ever needed to know about dogs)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nezumi is not good at coddling anyone. In his very few seventeen years of suburban, dreary life, if he has learned nothing else about himself, he has learned this.

But damn, it's never really hit him like this before.

It is the second month of this lovely apocalyptic weather, and currently, his best friend (or some similar approximation) is crouched on the ground, running their hand over some lump of fur that could theoretically resemble a dog if you had time and imagination that Nezumi does not see himself possessing. This same person is making weird little noises that are probably shushing, but the doglump is dead silent, so Nezumi is unsure of how this is supposed to help out.

Oh, yeah. They're gonna be here for a while.

Nezumi finds the handle of one of his nifty hunting knives, just to be sure- well, that and dramatic effect. You can't go wrong with a properly brandished knife, he thinks. It sure helps to get people to shut up at the very least. Best case scenario, someone drops food or money when you knife them. Wouldn't that be a real miracle.

Who's he kidding. No one here can use money anymore. Aside from throwing it at their friendly little undead buddies, there's not much use.

“He's breathing, at least,” Inukashi says, frowning slightly. “Heartbeat seems okay.”

“Damn. Not dead.” 

“I don't understand why he wouldn't be moving, though,” Inukashi goes on, not even sparing Nezumi a glance. “No wounds or anything.” 

“He's probably just having a nap,” Nezumi assures them.

“Why would he-” Inukashi starts, and then the frown deepens. “Fuck off.”

“I'm carrying the supply backpack. Speaking of which, do you want me to put him out of his misery?” Nezumi pulls the knife out, gives it a little twirl in case Inukashi was yet unsure of his dog killing abilities. To be honest, he's never tried it, aside from singing to Inukashi's aging Golden Retriever while it took its last breaths, but that was less “hell yeah let's kill a dog” and more “is it still breathing how long do I have to be here.” But hey, who cares about the details.

“No! I'm not gonna help you kill shit!”

“What about burying the body?”

“If you pay me, maybe!”

 “I knew I could count on you, best bro.” Nezumi takes another look at the dog. “Hey, how do you know he's a he? Did you pull up his skirt?”

 Inukashi closes their eyes as if in prayer.

 “I can just tell.”

 “That's some Ceasar Millian shit right there,” Nezumi comments, and moves closer to Inukashi and doglump's impromptu memorial ceremony. “How long are you planning to sit there?”

 “I don't know. Until I find a way to carry him back to the house.”

 “Are you adopting the dog? Inukashi, I don't think we're ready to be parents just yet.”

 “No! Maybe just take care of him till he's better enough to be by himself.”

 “It's the apocalypse. The dog's gonna die anyway.”

 “Better later than sooner.”

 “That's not how the phrase goes.”

 “I'm not killing the dog.”

 “I'll kill it for you.”

 “For the last time, we're not killing any dogs!”

“Who's killing a dog?”

Nezumi has no clue how long they'd stand there yelling at each other if uninterrupted, but they don't get to find out. When Nezumi turns, half prepared to stab someone, he is faced with an average-height boy, maybe around sixteen, who actually doesn't look bad.

Well, if you ignore the white hair and reddish brown eyes, anyway. Then it's all great.

“No one's killing the fucking dog!” Inukashi shouts, distracting him from debating the potential hotness of possible albinos.

“Can we name it that?”

“What?”

“Then it's settled. I'm naming it The Fucking Dog.” Nezumi pats it on the head. “It suits him, I think."

“Excuse me?” the stranger asks politely.

“I'm Nezumi, and this is my dog,” Nezumi says, gesturing to The Fucking Dog.

“Fuck you, it's my dog!”

“Shut up, Inukashi. We agreed on joint custody.”

“We didn't agree on anything!”

“Um,” Stranger interjects.

“Yes?”

“If you- uh, Inukashi, right?” They nod in affirmation. “I can check him out. I took a class last year on CPR and all that. It can't be that different from dogs, right?”

“Be my guest.” Inukashi shifts over, making room for Stranger to crouch next to the dog.

“I'm Shion, by the way,” Apparently Shion says, voice slightly muffled. But then, he's shoving his head into the dog's chest, so that would kind of explain it.

“He probably has fleas,” Nezumi cautions.

“So do you,” Inukashi says.

“Don't fight,” Shion commands, but it's kind of weak. Good for him.

Nezumi waves a hand. “This happens hourly. Sometimes every few minutes, but I don't have the exact math figured out just yet. I should get on that. Inukashi, throw me a stopwatch. We're doing science.”

“We're trying to save a dog.”

“We can multitask.”

Shion lifts his head from The Fucking Dog's chest, placing a hand over its heart instead. “He's breathing and heartbeat is regular. I'm not sure how many it should be per minute, though. I'm sorry.”

Honestly, Nezumi doesn't care, but Inukashi pipes up with a "60 to 160 BPM!" before he can note it.

Shion stares.

“Dog fetish,” Nezumi explains.

“It's not a fetish!”

“Which is exactly what someone with a dog fetish would say.”

“What's going on?” Shion asks.

“Nezumi's a douche,” Inukashi tells him, sending a withering glare Nezumi's way.

Shion is either oblivious or preoccupied or polite, because he just smiles brightly and charges into the world of casual conversation. “You like dogs?”

“I had a lot of them as pets. Didn't talk to people a lot. Became attached to them. That's what my name means.”

“Dog keeper,” Nezumi adds.

“Oh, I understand,” Shion says. “I used to have a thing for mice and rats. Still kind of do.” He throws in another angelic smile.

Inukashi raises their eyebrows, and Nezumi chokes on his laughter, but considers it very polite of himself to not actually respond to this statement.

“What?” Shion asks, expression caught between amusement and horror. Which, to be honest, is pretty impressive that he manages to display both those emotions.

“Well, uh...” Inukashi, however, just goes straight for the patented “in all my years, never have I been forced to put up with bullfuckery of this sort and I do not intend to again” face. They're pretty good at it, Nezumi has to admit.

“That's what his name means,” Inukashi says, jerking a thumb at Nezumi. “It just translates to 'rat.' I mean, it suits him. But nobody knows why he thought it'd be a good name."

“Well, something had to combat my stunning good looks,” Nezumi reasons.

“You do drag.”

“And? I am the hottest bitch in town. Fight me, Inukashi.”

“Drag,” Shion repeats.

“Crossdressing,” Inukashi clarifies.

“He's so innocent. I love him,” Nezumi says.

“Okay then.” Shion shakes his head.”

“It's an art,” Nezumi tells him.

“Okay, moving on from your drag career!” Inukashi interrupts.

Shion seems to recover quickly, tilting his head a little but nodding and turning back to the dog. Nezumi thinks this will be a useful trait if he stays with them much longer.

Which reminds him.

“Okay, so is the dog gonna live? We have shit to do. Like not die.”

Shion nods. “Heat stroke, maybe. We should give him some water. It's also a good idea to watch him for a while and make sure he's alright.” This time, the smile is more gentle and saintly. “I can come with you and help, if you'd like.”

“Hell yeah!” Inukashi exclaims.

“Are you shitting me,” Nezumi says.

Shion just stares at him in confusion.

“Did you forget about the whole apocalypse thing?” Nezumi asks. “Because I'm pretty sure that's going on. We could go to the park and check it out, if you want. I heard there's some rioting twentysomethings over there. The sweet smell of dystopia.”

“I'd rather not,” Shion says.

“Exactly.”

“We can still take care of him, though,” he continues, stroking the dog's fur. “Just because life is tough doesn't mean we have to leave him for dead.”

“That was poetic but illogical,” Nezumi comments.

“Aw, come on. Can't we have something nice for once?” Inukashi demands.

“In what universe is taking care of a dead dog nice?”

There is silence. Good. That means Nezumi is right.

Shion interrupts it, though.

“He's only _mostly_ dead,” Shion says, voice dead serious.

Nezumi feels the need to glare at him for a few moments, because this is ridiculous.

“I'm outlawing Princess Bride quotes during the end of the world. Hope you enjoyed them while you had the chance.”

“Princess Bride is a cinematic wonder,” Inukashi argues.

“You keep bringing the apocalypse thing,” Shion observes.

“The book was better!” Nezumi shouts, slinging the pack over one shoulder and turning away from them. “Bye!”

“You're a pretentious sack of dicks!”

“I know!”

“Wait!” Shion calls.

Nezumi sighs deeply, pivoting to face the newest member of World's Least Fun Veterinary Practice.

“We need help carrying him,” Shion says, making a flailing gesture at the dog.

“You've been a douche enough today,” Inukashi points out. “You gotta make it up somehow.”

Well then.

Nezumi stares at the road beneath his feet. Unsurprisingly, it's in bad shape, and not much more inspiring than the scene in front of him, and it's only been maybe twenty minutes.

It has been maybe twenty minutes, and he is already dead sure than Shion whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is will be trouble for the entirety of their relationship, no matter how business oriented it is and how hard Nezumi tries to boot him out of their camp and their lives, because like an overflowing toilet, Shion is probably full of shit and definitely going to make a huge mess out of everything, and it's not gonna be fun to have to clean it up.

But it's the end of the world, and if there's a little more bullshit to be fielded, why not? Maybe it'll be fun.

As if they didn't have enough of that.

“Alright,” Nezumi says, dropping his pack. “Let's be good fucking Samaritans.” 


	2. to think everything must die for anyone to matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. ive started this chapter four times. every single time its been deleted because my computer is a piece of shit. im in physical pain, ive been listening to driscolls raspberry cooking tutorials for about an hour, and i dont care about quality i just need to post this. im sorry.

Well, Nezumi thinks, this will be interesting, because so far they've got a half-dead dog, a couple of popsicles, Shion's apparently newfound savior complex, a wealth of canine statistics from Inukashi, and the ever-nearing possibility of some enraged soccer moms turned rage-filled warriors deciding it'd be fun to smash all their heads in and steal their supplies.

This is somewhat less glamorous than he expected the apocalypse to be. Which is really saying something.

"Can we go now?" Nezumi asks. "We carted the dog back here. Throw it in a tent. Splash some water on it. In case you forgot, we still need food to survive, which was the primary objective last time I checked. I mean, we could put on a couple plays, too, but I'm not really sure how well we can pull off Shakespeare with three people, two of which have the most questionable acting skill I have ever-"

"What's he talking about?" Shion whispers.

Inukashi shrugs. 

"If you were listening, I can basically  _guarantee_ that it'd be more interesting that fondling the dog until it keels over," Nezumi informs the both of them, but apparently no one is interested, because Shion just begins enthusiastically babbling to Inukashi about water and salinity levels, practically falling over with the force of it.

Bless their souls. Nezumi didn't know it was possible to be so excited about forcing water down a dog's throat.

But at least it's conscious now. Nezumi is thankful for that, at least. He has no idea what measure of weird shit Shion had to try to rouse it, but whatever. It makes Nezumi's life easier.

"No one's fondling it," Inukashi says. "Hey, Shion. Pass me a bowl, yeah?"

"Wait, where?"

"You would both  _die_ in the wild, I swear," Nezumi mutters, but they're incapable and haven't pissed him off more than usual in the past half hour (or Inukashi hasn't- he's unsure what the usual is for Shion. It already seems pretty high), Nezumi Frisbee-tosses the bowl he keeps in his pack at them rather than throwing it at Inukashi's head.

Of course, Shion manages to fumble it fantastically, and it falls to the asphalt with a loud bang. But that's better than Nezumi expected of him.

"This is the closest thing to the wild there is, though," says Shion, managing to collect himself from the wide-eyed alarm he'd been displaying. "The entire East Coast was wiped out. There's little to no economy. It's more or less survival of the fittest."

"You sound like you're reading from a textbook. Terrible delivery."

Inukashi has managed to fill the bowl with water from a bottle they've been carrying, and sets it down in front of the dog (Nezumi is unsure of how this is a fabulous rescue scheme, but Inukashi looks pleased). 

"He's right, you know," Inukashi says.

"Well, yeah. He was reciting facts. Kinda hard not to be right. They're facts. Pick up a dictionary."

Inukashi glares. "No, not  _that._ The world's kinda batshit, right? Some people don't even got parents anymore."

"Neither of us had parents to begin with," Nezumi reminds them.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not all about you?"

Nezumi, of course, has an excellent comeback for this.

Shion, however, responds to it in the form of dumping water on the dog's head, effectively splashing himself and Inukashi as a little three-for-the-price-of-one gift.

"Oh, yeah, that was _real_ productive," Nezumi comments.

Shion squints. "Was that sarcasm?"

"No."

"Duh," Inukashi says, talking over Nezumi. "Don't worry. He's full of shit. You get used to it."

"Says the dogfucker."

Inukashi sputters wildly.

"What's the bestiality got to do with this?" Shion asks, and it's really quite rational sounding if not for the content.

"Nothing. Okay, can someone give the dog some water?"

Shion's brow furrows, but he nods quickly. "I need to get his mouth open somehow and trickle it in slowly. Also, uh..." He glances at the spectacular mess he's achieved so far. "Maybe more water?"

Nezumi tosses him another bottle. "Let's just get out of here fast. Okay? We do have shit to do, in case anyone forgot."

"You bring it up every other second. Kinda hard to," Inukashi notes.

"I try," Nezumi says, watching as Shion gently pries the dog's mouth open. "Are you trying to force-feed him poison or rehydrate him?"

Inukashi huffs. "He's nearly passed out. We can't just give him water and go. We'd be gone by now 'f that was the case."

"I would  _hope_ so."

"Oh, there we go," Shion murmurs, smiling softly as the dog's hind leg twitches suddenly. "See, it worked. He'll be just fine soon."

"Oh, good. Should we send him a gift basket, too?" 

"Shut up, Nezumi," Inukashi says. Shion frowns at both of them.

"Anyways, I still think we should take care of him for a little while," he informs them, turning to stare at Nezumi. "Just moving a little doesn't mean he's cured."

"I'm with him," Inukashi adds quickly.

"Good for you. Doesn't mean I'm planning on going along with it," Nezumi says.

"You're not my _mom._ You're like, seventeen." Inukashi resumes the glare, and Nezumi is beginning to wonder if it's just Inukashi's resting bitchface or he really pisses them off that much. He'd like to settle on an evenly mixed combination. 

"Age is just a number."

"And you're just a dick."

"Oh, come on, that wasn't even  _good."_

Shion stands up, brushing his hands together. From what Nezumi can see, they're both fairly dark with dirt. Both he and Shion grimace.

"Well, I think we're done here," he says, the smile remaining as if this will somehow ease the fact that Nezumi has had to stand on the sidewalk for approximately ten minutes while he and Inukashi resume the Dog Groping World Championships. He's unsure how this will ever be repayed.

"About fucking time."

Inukashi makes a decidedly unattractive rumbling noise deep in their throat. "Be nice. He has to put up with you."

"He can deal with some toughening up."

Shion shrugs. "It doesn't feel like toughening up so much as blatant attacks on my character, but that's okay."

"Don't you sass me."

 Inukashi throws a rock at Nezumi.

However, Nezumi is clearly above this, so instead of retaliating, he gets to his feet.

"We should go," he says. 

"You mentioned," Inukashi replies.

Nezumi brushes some of the asphalt off his jacket. He's not entirely sure how it got there, as he was not as heavily into rolling on the dirt as Shion and Inukashi have shown they are. Lately, though, dirt's kind of everywhere. Regardless of how possible it should be. Nezumi's been through enough awkward genital-washing sessions with inukashi to know that, and he can't tell if it's bonded them more or just made Nezumi less susceptible to puking everywhere. They're both useful, possibly.

Nezumi throws the rock back. "We're going, and that's final."

Shion smiles, like this declaration brings him great joy. "Okay! So, who's carrying the dog?"

He looks around at them, eyebrows raised in expectation. 

Nezumi remains silent.

Inukashi makes a weird choking/coughing sound that could be sympathy.

Shion's face falls.

Nezumi claps him on the shoulder. "Well! Looks like you got yourself a dog. Congratulations."

Inukashi makes the noise again, and Nezumi wonders if maybe they're the one who needs to be hit repeatedly. "Hey, I can help carry it, if that-"

"Thank you, Inukashi!" Shion exclaims. "I'm sure you'd be much better at carrying the dog. Here you go!" He (very gently) scoops up the dog and arranges it in Inukashi's arms. "You're a good person."

Inukashi falls silent, instead staring at the ground like they have made so many bad choices they don't really know what to do. Somewhere in Nezumi's cold, dead heart, he feels a slight amount of pity, but he is mildly distracted.

Shion, it appears, does have the capability for douchiness. And it is beautiful.

 

Nezumi is kind of proud of the house that he and Inukashi have found. Most of the reason they've managed to keep it at all is determination and Nezumi's comfort with guns, which surprised him just as much as Inukashi. It'd be a lot cooler if he had a backstory for his gun skills, but he basically just figured it out from  _Bones_ reruns and some guy on WikiHow who thought he could teach someone to shoot via internet. He has, admittedly, nearly shot Inukashi a few times, and most of the bullet holes on their front door are his fault and not some challenger's, but it's a better choice than cowering in the basement ("Because we don't have a basement!" Inukashi keeps telling him. That's not the important part).

The first time someone came around was before they had any guns, and that was probably one of the most heart-attack-inducing moments of their life. It's a shitty house, but it's a house, and that means that there are people who don't mind killing someone to take it. They didn't knock, obviously; all they heard was the sound of the lock being picked, and suddenly they were face to face with a teenage girl that looked just as surprised to see them as they were to see her. It's mostly Nezumi's fault that what happened there did. He was still afraid, and he wasn't used to feeling much of anything from a combination of wanting to keep his image intact and the aftereffects of chronic boredom, so it was way too easy to get paralyzed by fear (he hadn't really thought that was a thing until he was about to die because of it). The girl had a huge-ass knife, and she didn't look like most of the other kids they'd found. She was relaxed, to begin with, and was actually holding the knife properly.

Inukashi, it seems, is useful for something, because they're the one who managed to get behind her and knife her in the leg.

Nezumi doesn't know why that worked. She seemed calm enough, and something like that shouldn't have rattled her at all. But for whatever reason, once she saw the gash in her leg, she didn't even try to kill them. Sure, she slashed open Nezumi's shoulder before she left, but that's not even coming close to what she could have done. He's not really grateful for that. It seems a little stupid to be grateful to someone who left you bleeding on the ground. But she didn't try to kill him, and that deserves some mention. If he sees her again, there is a lowered chance of him killing her on sight and looting her shit. That's about as close as he gets to friendship with people who aren't Inukashi, these days.

He's still got the scar from it. Memories.

They still got visitors after that, but it gave Nezumi the extra evidence he needed to convince Inukashi to go out and actually get something to defend themselves with. It also made Inukashi a little paranoid, and Nezumi found them with about four guns balanced in their arms, none of them on safety. It was something akin to a Christmas miracle that Inukashi didn't shoot one of them, but it has been handy to have a disgusting amount of guns both for show and for duty. Ammo was always harder to come by, but dead people weren't using it, and there was a great free-for-all for about a week where if you were carrying anything that even _looked_ like a gun then you better believe you were about to get shot up like Swiss cheese. The only problem is that eventually people stopped bringing their ammo with them. That, and that people stopped killing each other, so there started being a pretty big drop in the amount of dead bodies. Yet again, civilization screwed everyone over.

The plus side is that they actually don't need any ammo now. People keep to themselves. Getting clean water is enough of a gamble; no one wants to play Russian roulette with cholera while having to deal with getting shot. It's too stressful.

But they're safe for now. Inukashi can handle a knife better than Nezumi's ever seen in real life, and they've managed to find a drugstore a few blocks away that wasn't raided totally. The iodine tablets they use now make the water taste like bleach, and they've been eating soup for so long Nezumi doesn't really know if he has decent tastebuds anymore, but it's better than dying of thirst and starvation. Not much, but still.

Nezumi throws open the door to the house, ushering everyone in, and flicking the back of Shion's head when he stares at the bullet holes for too long. Shion glares at him, but he follows Inukashi into the house, and they both get into a passionate discussion about proper dog rest positions. Nezumi doesn't feel quite qualified to participate in this. He doens't really want to, either, so he sets his bag down on one of the kitchen counters and starts banging around for something edible. 

Their house is kind of falling apart, and it's not due only to the end of the world. Nezumi was in a habit of slamming doors when they got here, and he's accidentally knocked some doors off the cupboards a few times. There are now two cupboards that take less effort to open, since they don't fucking have doors, but Nezumi is pretending it was home improvement and not sheer stupidity. He uses these ones to store mostly perishable stuff. It's bad logic, but Inukashi told him one time that maybe if they started keeping that in the open, potential looters would assume it was all they had, and they could keep the long-term food safe. Illogical or no, anything that might give them the upper hand is kind of soothing.

Their portions are weird, too. You can't really go grocery shopping now, so most of their stuff comes take-it-or-leave-it, and there aren't any measuring utensils, so it's usually an adventure in guesstimating to get any even portions. However much of a dick he may be, Nezumi has long since realized that he needs his partner to be equally nourished. That, and he feels kind of bad taking food away when he and Inukashi have both been in a position where food was all that mattered.

He's not really sure about the exact morality of taking food from Shion, but for now he's going to just assume that it's okay to take the larger portion. Nothing heavy-duty yet.

When Nezumi hears footsteps behind him, he doesn't need to turn around to tell who it is- Inukashi wouldn't make the mistake of being that loud- but he does anyway. Shion stands, tucked close to the walls like Nezumi's about to knife him, and staring at the food.

"Is that-" he starts.

"I'm evenly dividing everything, we don't have much of anything, we ran out of beef jerky a long time ago, and we do have water." Nezumi gestures at the cupboards. "I don't really have a PowerPoint available, sorry."

Shion's forehead creases. "I was actually going to ask how you got it," he corrects.

"Oh," Nezumi says. "Well, that's kind of a boring question. We stole it from a wonderful cast of people."

"Dead?"

Nezumi scoffs. "You think I'd steal from someone alive?"

"I don't think I should put it past you."

"Good, because half of this is stolen from the survivalists down the road." He pulls down an unopened pack of dried apples. "So most of it's shit, but it's healthy shit. Not really like we're gonna live past thirty, so it doesn't really matter, but whatever. Live fast, die young, eat shitty dried fruit."

"That's a decent goal," Shion agrees. "Is there anything else on the menu?"

"Iodine tablets and sunflower seeds," Nezumi says, searching the cabinets. There has not been an influx of food in the last minute or two, which is greatly disappointing. "What, are you expecting something better?"

Shion shrugs, which really doesn't tell Nezumi anything else. He can't tell if it's purposeful or not.

"Okay, better question. Where're you from?" he asks.

Shion looks up at the ceiling. "Nowhere very interesting. One of the camps full of people who think they have the technology to fix this."

"Decent food?"

"Good enough. We had a rice cooker."

Nezumi would kill for a rice cooker.

"Which one was it?"

"Uh, Lost something."

"Lost Town." It's not really an intuitive leap, Nezumi thinks. Town is a reasonable suffix for the name of a place.

"Right! That."

Nezumi's good view of Shion is sinking like a lead stone. If the only way he stayed alive until now was because he had serious help, then he can't be left alone for very long. He's going to be that much more of a burden this way. He's also going to feel like shit if Shion gets himself offed, too. It's like a really screwed up sale: buy one kinda cute survivor and a dog, get emotional attachment and hassle free for an indefinite amount of time. 

"Well, we better get some more food, huh? You're going to be staying here for a while," Nezumi says.

Shion smiles. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. You're already  _here,_ anyway. We can't kick you out." Shion's eyes follow him as he puts out an extra plate and starts putting the cardboard-y fruit on it. "You're too airheaded. You'd be dead in a few seconds."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"You're welcome." Nezumi hands him the plate, and carries the other two by himself. "It's about time we start on your classical education, Shion."

Inukashi looks up from the couch, where they're kneeling over the dog. "Already? It's been like, half an hour."

"It's never too early to start." Setting down the plates, he pushes Shion down into one of the strangely floral-patterned chairs. "Now. How much do you know about Shia LaBeouf?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some explanations:  
> ok i have this headcanon that modern au!nezumi was once a shakespeare snob but he has this epiphany that shakespeare is mostly dick jokes and psychotic rambling and begins reeling to find something pretentious to fulfill his quota and settles on a lot of weird shit. think black and white horror movies, perks of being a wallflower, probably secretly angelina jolie. shia labeouf is his personal hero and he would do anything for him.   
> the apocalypse that is so frequently mentioned is something that was theorized to happen but probs wont. its the canary island megatsunami and the basic theory is that a big volcano falls into the ocean. shit splashes around. a megatsunami wipes out the eastern seaboard and the economy collapses. but there is a post here http://blogs.agu.org/landslideblog/2013/12/13/canary-islands-tsunami/ explaining why it wont happen (sorry i cant figure out ao3 html for shit). its an interesting concept so im just gonna go with that for now  
> title is from "wild heart" from bleachers which is really pretty  
> but yeah! thanks for reading!


	3. putain, je ne suis pais!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's chapter title is from work this body by walk the moon which is a great nezushi song if its late and you're almost crying. then again what isn't.

The morning after Shion follows them home, Nezumi wakes up bright and early. It's really hard not to, because  _Shion is loud as fuck._

Aside from all the innuendos he could make out of this (and, as a high school boy, gives in and does), it's not a great way to wake up. When he is startled awake at what the cracked wristwatch on the nightstand says to be 6:13 AM, he is caught between worry and annoyance. He is not surprised, by any means- he knew Shion would be inconvenient- but for the few seconds where he can't remember exactly what's going on, it sure is exciting. He's out of bed with his hand on a gun before he can figure out what the sound is coming from.

He pauses, half out the door, and feels incredibly stupid.

Once he's actually dressed and not bearing a gun, he finds Shion frantically trying to scoop up a great, great deal of bullets and toss them into the box that they usually keep on the top shelf. As soon as Nezumi enters the room, Shion freezes and gapes at him.

Whatever. It'd be worse if he spilled the water.

"Uh, I'm sorry?" Shion gets out. "I was trying to get some food down, but not because I was stealing. I just wanted to-"

Nezumi shrugs. "You fucked something up. It's all over my kitchen."

"I said I was  _sorry._ "

"But," Nezumi continues. "You're cleaning it up. Also, it's early." And Inukashi wasn't awake yet, so there were no real reasons to get start yelling so far. "So it doesn't matter. What else did you knock down?"

"Nothing."

"What else."

"Nothing! I already told you."

"Alright, fine." If he finds out Shion actually did, there's going to be hell to pay. As much hell as he can wreak on an empty stomach and no coffee, anyways. God, he hates waking up to the apocalypse.

"How early did you wake up, anyways?" he asks. Might as well get some decent conversation going.

Shion finishes replacing the bullets into the box and stands. "I'm not really sure. I couldn't find a clock."

Nezumi frowns, getting out  _more fucking soup_ to see if there's any flavors he doesn't hate. "Really? Inukashi must have broken a bunch. We should go find more."

"You guys break watches?"

"Well, yeah. Gotta keep an eye on time in the field." Shion snorts, though Nezumi isn't sure why. "And then you end up crushing them one way or another. We go through watches like greeting cards in December."

"Where do you get more?"

"Does it matter? Jesus, you ask a lot of questions." Nezumi replaces the cans in their cupboard. _Beer-n-Cheese with Beef and Bacon!_ the label proclaims, which is almost threateningly masculine, but it'll have to do. If they're lucky, they might be able to get a buzz off the third of a can they all get now.

Damn, he really should have thought this through. An extra person means they need more food, which means more runs to replenish their stock. But hey, odds are Shion's not the best with a gun. Most of the survivalist hippie communes aren't all about shooting people up, much less offering weaponry to high school aged boys. If, somehow, Shion gets himself shot, and manages to die from blood poisoning, he can cry Nezumi a river. 

Being dead is a hell of a lot easier than being alive- plus, there's no hunger. Nezumi's considered that path a few times, both with himself and Inukashi. The end of the world is (unsurprisingly) kind of cumbersome, and it's really not Nezumi's speed.

"What are you thinking about?" Shion asks. Nezumi fumbles the soup cans, nearly dropping one.

Well, shit. Now he feels bad.

Maybe he won't help him die from infection.

"Ha, nothing." He points- well, motions- to a drying rack. "Can you grab some bowls?"

Shion does so, without speaking. Nezumi takes them with a nod of thanks.

It's the normal routine. Nezumi tries to give everyone equal portions, but he isn't making any promises. God, he's hungry. It's nothing new, but it's still pissing him off. 

(Nezumi can think of a lot of things like that.)

"So, we're thinking of going on a supply run later," he says, reaching over to find some spoons. "You're going to come."

"Uh, thanks?"

"It's just so you can get a feel for it, airhead. As long as you stay close, it'll be fine."

There's a good chance it won't be fine no matter what they do. If Nezumi told him that, Shion would be stiff and nervous and generally useless. He'd rather not have him like that, on top of needing to teach him everything in the span of a few hours. It'd be nice if everyone just kept their shit together for once.

Nezumi tilts his head at the bowls, grabbing his own. "Take one. We're gonna go in a little while."

"What about Inukashi?"

"Eh, they need their beauty sleep." Inukashi is a bitch in the morning, he swears. He can put off waking them up for maybe five more minutes. 

He also didn't really talk to Inukashi about the new project, and Nezumi isn't sure they're going to like what they hear.  Sure, they know the framework, but today they're going to need more than that, and it's a talk he'd like to have in private, without Shion trying to extrapolate meaning from their every word.

That, and so he can't ask the questions. The fucking  _questions._ Nezumi's ready to start making shit up just so Shion stops asking.

"What kind of soup is this?" Shion asks, and after Nezumi gets through a moment of alarm bells and  _NOT FUCKING AGAIN,_ he waves the spoon at him.

"Who knows? Manliness and Overcompensation, probably."

"I watched you read all the can's labels."

Nezumi sighs. "It's generic chicken-left-to-stew-on-a-bar-counter. Or something. That good?"

"Is this legal?"

"Huh?"

Shion's forehead crinkles. "You mentioned a bar. Is that alcohol? We're too young to be having it, right?"

 _Is he for real?_ is Nezumi's first thought. The second is something more akin to  _Jesus Christ you are so not ready to be going out into the open._

Instead of voicing either of these comments, he says "Does it even really matter? You're not going to get very drunk off of this. Unfortunately," he adds under his breath. "No, the only thing that's illegal now is having a good time."

"That's not a new thing," comes Inukashi's voice from the stairway. 

Nezumi tilts his chair back. "Oh, hey! Just in time to make snide comments about everything I say."

"It's not like it's hard," Inukashi answers. "What's for breakfast?"

"Soup," Nezumi says. 

"Bad decisions," Shion corrects.

"There is no difference," Inukashi says. They disappear into the kitchen, and reappear with their bowl.

"It can't be good for you," they say, peering into the soup's soul. "How long was it in the cupboard?"

"Probably less time than it took you to get up," Nezumi says, glaring at them.

"But you said she deserved her sleep!" Shion protests.

"Shut the fuck up, Shion."

It's very brief, and probably just instinctual by now, but Inukashi closes their eyes at Shion's words. Now that Nezumi thinks of it, it's been unrealistically long since Inukashi was last misgendered. Even with long hair and a skinny frame, they've become an expert at passing. If anything, they're usually mistaken for the other sex (which doesn't seem to bum them out that much). Besides, the worst thing is strangers. No matter how many times they confuse someone and force them to ask for a gender, it's gotta hurt to hear it. Nezumi knows better than to mock them for it, by now. Inukashi has been kind enough to him, and the least Nezumi can do is leave their wounds alone.

He understands debt and bitterness, if nothing else. It's all that holds him together, at this point.

"It's not really a she kind of thing, Shion," Nezumi says, because Inukashi won't. "More of a 'fuck gender' thing."

"The vague asshole means that I'm not a girl," Inukashi clarifies.

Nezumi claps him on the back. "Been a long time, though! You made it a while."

Inukashi almost smiles, which is certainly more than Nezumi anticipated. He isn't used to making anyone smile, let alone Inukashi. The most they ever do is refrain from throwing things at him with great force. It's how they love.

"So, I don't mean to be rude," Shion starts off, "but what does that mean."

His voice is too flat and nervous for it to be a question. The amount of tension that a simple case of the wrong pronouns creates will never cease to amaze Nezumi. It'll probably never cease to piss off Inukashi either, so he guesses it works out.

Inukashi clears their throat. "I'm not a girl. Not a boy, either. They/them, please."

"See? That was easy!" Inukashi dodges before Nezumi can attempt a noogie, which might be for the best.

"So, yeah," Inukashi says. "That's not gonna be weird, right? Because if it is, I'll kick your ass."

Nezumi would like to see that. 

"No, no!" Shion flaps his hands. "Sorry. Just remind me if I don't use them, okay?" He smiles, gentle like someone on a nature documentary who's handling baby deer. "My best friend growing up was genderfluid. I've been through a lot with pronouns."

"I'm sure it must have been hard for you," Inukashi mutters, and Nezumi elbows them.

"We're all a great family, right, guys?" Nezumi demands, hugging Inukashi's waist. 

"We just almost fought about proper pronouns," Inukashi says.

"Well, god damn. You're a riot." Nezumi lets go of their waist. "Let's go fight some soccer moms."

"We still have to get ready to go."

"After that, though."

Inukashi and Shion both nod, Inukashi jerky and stiff, but Shion enthusiastic. Nezumi has never met anyone who liked learning so much. It's honestly terrifying.

"After that," Shion says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tune in next week to see how many times nezoom and shion awkwardly glance at each other while nezumi bitches about him internally!  
> i am so sorry this took so long i kept starting it and hating it and eventually just gave up. this isn't even an interesting chapter. i promise there's going to be weird fumbly teenager romance soon. btw the soup theyre talking about is real. is beer and chicken soup a thing? really? cause that sounds unholy af.  
> my tumblr is cooltarou so if you want to drop me a line or just remind me to get off my ass and write my inbox is always open. thanks for reading this, and all the nice comments! you're all incredible.


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